Government announces new cull

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Another pest, yesterday
Another pest, yesterday

The government today announced plans for a controversial cull of ex-Stigs.

‘There are simply too many people who used to be The Stig and it makes sense to thin out their numbers,’ said minister for needless punditry, Flibian Spobe. ‘If we don’t, the newspapers could become clogged with their pointless opinions, our airwaves could be destabilised by their stupid faces appearing down the line from a studio in the provinces, and our nation’s bookshops could collapse under the weight of their unsold books.’

The minister declined to say how the ex-Stigs might be culled, but its thought that the most effective method would be to deny them the oxygen of publicity.