Following an admission from McLaren that their car may be even slower in China, a leading scientist has expressed concern about the effect this may have on the very fabric of time itself.
‘The MP4-30 is already disturbingly slow,’ noted leading expertness expert Professor Ken Freeply of Nigel Havers College, Kettering. ‘It is my concern that if it gets even slower it will actually enter a state we call “negative speed”. If that happens, it could change the rotation of the earth and thereby turn back time itself, a bit like in that documentary, Superman.’
However, McLaren driver Jenson Button remained sanguine about the possibility of his car accidentally tearing a hole in the space-time continuum. ‘Yea, that’ll probably happen,’ he sighed. ‘All I know is, I’m getting paid. La la la, whatever.’
His colleague Fernando Alonso was equally slightly giggly and unfussed, like this was all too terrible to take seriously. ‘Yea, I hope we go back in time to when I was at Renault,’ he smirked. ‘Honestly, anything could happen, but that’s because I’m assuming all this is a big dream.’
Back in Kettering, Professor Freeply was adamant a time reversal was a very real threat at this weekend’s race. ‘It could happen,’ he warned. ‘F1 must act now before we all fall prey to a phenomenon I call MastercardLolality.’
Prof Freeply later denied that his calculations were ‘shit’.