New 7-series gives you a ‘weird’ type of diabetes

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The new 7-series, yesterday
The new 7-series, yesterday

BMW admitted today that its newly announced 7-series is so luxurious it gives you a weird type of diabetes.

‘From the climate control that includes a tiny kitten blowing on your face through a lavender teabag to the massaging seats that remove your organs, clean them and put them back again, the new 7er is the most luxurious car in the world,’ said BeeEm general manager Guillem Beneral-Manager. ‘Unfortunately, it is so luxurious that anyone getting into it immediately develops this weird kind of diabetes. We’re not sure why.’

BMW sources say the weird type of diabetes brought on by the luxuriousness of the new 7-series makes the driver so thirsty that the they simple cannot suckle enough tears from the face of the on-board orphan. ‘Even the boot-mounted water filtration plant cannot keep up,’ admitted one insider. ‘And you may be forced to ask one of the cabin crew for a bottle of Perrier.’

Engineers in Munich are said to be working tirelessly to tackle the issue of the new 7-series giving everyone a weird kind of diabetes and suspect that the condition could be linked to the cars on-board cinema. ‘It’s either that or the seat cushion happy finish function,’ admitted one source. ‘Now if you’ll excuse me, my weird type of diabetes is playing up and I must get into my 7-series to see the on-board medical team.’