Hot weather driving tips

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With Britain sent into meltdown by temperatures the same as some other countries where it’s always like this and the Daily Express convinced that everyone is going to die, the Association of Road Safety Education has issued some handy hot weather driving tips.

An sunshine, yesterday
An sunshine, yesterday

– Hot weather can make Tarmac softer and therefore grippier. Remember to account for this by driving into corners much more quickly.

– Most motorists know that in winter you should carry a flask of soup and a blanket in the car but fewer are aware that the same applies in summer except that the soup should be cold and the blanket should have holes in it.

– Dogs die inside hot cars. If you need to leave your dog, remember to take it out of the car and pop it into the roof box.

– Avoid glare from strong sunlight by fitting the inside of your windscreen with a set of thick velvet curtains.

– On hot days people need more water and the same is true of cars. Remember to tip at least a gallon of water into your fuel tank before a long journey.

– Cooling seats can be a boon on hot days but they’re usually fitted only to expensive luxury models. The good news is, you can replicate the experience in your ordinary car by simply farting through a cushion full of ice.

– It’s tempting to keep cool on a car journey by running the air-conditioning or opening a window but both of these things have a damaging effect on fuel economy. A more cost-effective way to avoid becoming sweaty is simply to cover your entire body with gloss paint.

– If visiting the beach it can be tempting to run into the sea with all your clothes on like an utter twat. Before doing so, remember to take your car keys out of your pocket and hand them safely to a homeless man.