Audi reveals new A4 aero bore secret

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The new A4, yesterday
The new A4, yesterday

Audi has revealed that the its new A4’s remarkable 0.23 drag coefficient comes from being simply too boring for air to bother with.

‘It is a well-known fact that air presented with a further distance to travel will move faster and this is the basic principle for how aeroplane wings work,’ explained Audi’s aerodynamics boss Aaron Dinamixbos. ‘But what is less well known is that air will also move more quickly if it isn’t distracted going, “Oh wow, look, the new Audi A4”.’

‘If the air is not distracted by anything interesting, it will simply move quickly and efficiently over the body of the car,’ Dinamixbos continued. ‘This is why the new A4 is styled to attract no attention whatsoever from air. Or indeed people.’

Dinamixbos admitts that this will naturally have some effect on the way people interact with the car. ‘We do not expect anyone to refer to this as the new A4,’ he confessed. ‘They will simply say, “Oh Jesus, there’s a complete twat in some sort of fucking Audi up my arse, again”.’