After Daniil Kvyat’s sensational second place in the Hungarian Grand Prix, Russian president Vladimir Putin has personally authorised for the Red Bull driver to briefly see his parents again.
‘Daniil has brought great pride to Russia,’ said a Kremlin spokesman. ‘And as a reward for finally delivering on what was requested of him, his parents will be released temporarily from their shackles and allowed to leave the Strevaboksit bauxite processing facility so that they may enjoy a short amount of time with their son.’
Sources in Russia say Kvyat will spend up to 20 minutes with his parents after which he will be reminded that if he continues to bring great F1 glory to Russia, he will be allowed to see them again and perhaps even speak to them. As an additional bonus, if he performs well in October’s Russian Grand Prix, he can have some bits of his dog back.
‘Daniil is great example of a Russian in Formula 1,’ said our top-ranking government source. ‘Way better than that last idiot. The only reason he is still alive is because he has has promised to lend the president some of his Michael Jackson tapes.’