Civic Type R boasts bellend-o-meter

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The new bellend-o-meter, yesterday
The new bellend-o-meter, yesterday

Honda’s new Civic Type R won’t just boast a critically acclaimed chassis and turbocharged VTEC engine; it will also be the first car in the world to feature a gauge that tells you how much of a bellend you’re being.

‘The Civic Type R core market has always been bellends,’ explained Honda worker Wanda Herker. ‘Now, thanks to the new Type R’s bellend-o-meter, the driver will be able to keep an accurate watch on how bellendic he is being.’

The new system uses data from the ABS, traction control, accelerometers and driver monitoring cameras to give a real time score of bellendness. Actions such as performing a needlessly smokey start away from the traffic lights or getting into a race with a twat in an M3 around the bypass will be accurately and immediately shown on the bellend gauge so that the Type R driver has reassurance that he really is acting like a bellend.

Thanks to advanced in-built connectivity, the bellend gauge can also record bellendish events even when the car is off, such as going on the internet and making idiotic claims about your Civic Type R then getting into an argument with someone who doesn’t agree that it is the best car in the world.

The Honda bellend-o-meter will be standard on all Civic Type Rs, giving the new car a definite boost over the rival SEAT Leon Cupra which only offers an optional fool gauge.