Ex-Top Gear presenters go mail order

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Some men, yesterday
Some men, yesterday

Former Top Gear presenters Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May are to star in a new Amazon car show which will arrive next year, as long as you order it before 5pm today.

Anyone signing up for the new Amazon programme will have Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May posted to them as soon as they are available. ‘Shipping for Richard Hammond is free,’ said an Amazon spokesman. ‘I’m afraid postage for Jeremy costs extra.’

‘I will be dispatched as soon as I’m ready,’ said TV’s James May, speaking on a phone that no one bought from inside an enormous warehouse beside the M1. ‘Is this item a gift?’ he added mysteriously

The actual contents of the new show are under wraps which are about five times the size of the thing inside them. However, rumoured subjects for the forthcoming series include, is a car faster across Europe than a funny review of a David Hasselhoff album, is a Range Rover better off road than a well-publicised day of bargain priced crap you don’t want, and which is the best hot hatch, the Golf GTI or this pack of plastic floor protectors to go under chair legs which are so weirdly cheap the postage is more than the value of the item?

Fans have been told not to worry about being in when the new series starts as it can always be left with a neighbour.