Goodwood announces radical Revival revision

The Goodwood Revival, yesterday
The Goodwood Revival, yesterday

Lord March has used this weekend’s Goodwood Revival to announce a radical change to next year’s event, which will be based around the year 2004.

‘Yes, we were getting a bit bored of all that fake ‘50s shit,’ said a Goodwood spokesman. ‘I mean, you should see the bloody lost property bin in my office. Full of fucking tweed. So we’ve had a re-think and next year’s Revival is going to be rooted in the heady days of about 12 years ago.’

Goodwood sources say that the 2016 Revival will encourage people to immerse themselves in the nostalgia of a simpler time when cars had one or two fewer airbags, petrol was a tiny bit cheaper, and everyone had a slightly worse mobile phone.

Meanwhile, out on the track, spectators will be able to enjoy a cavalcade of glorious old motors such as old shape Ford Mondeos, last generation BMW 3-series’ and a mid-range Vauxhall with a name unfamiliar to younger members of the crowd; ‘Vectra’.

‘We’ll really encourage people to get into the spirit of things by dressing up in period clothing,’ the festival spokesman added. ‘By which I mean, clothes that are fairly similar to the ones you have now. We can just imagine all the ladies looking so elegant in their Ugg boots and all the fashionable chaps not having massive beards and manbuns and therefore not looking like total bellends.’