The Frankfurt Motoring Show takes place in Germany because that’s where Frankfurt is, you idiot. Here is some of the new news that is coming out of there.
Bentley took the covers off the Bentayga, even though everyone begged them not to. The company says the new SUV will boast a range of exterior and interior finishes that will deliver unmatched vulgarity including the option of an interior ‘as orange as your wife’.
The big news for Jaguar was the reveal of the F-pace crossover. ‘This does not look like a traditional Jaguar and it will not drive like a traditional Jaguar,’ said a spokesman. ‘So ideally we’re hoping to attract people who hate Jaguars.’
Porsche wowed Frankfurt with the striking Mission E electric concept. ‘This is an electric car but also true to Porsche values,’ said a spokesman. ‘By which I mean, all the electricity is at the back.’
The big announcement from Toyota was the new Prius which causes only mild nausea if you don’t look at it directly. Customers in Islington will be able to buy the new car as a special Corbyn Edition which veers violently to the left and features a 4WD system that distributes torque equally amongst all wheels.
Volkswagen revealed its new Tiguan, designed for people who want a Golf that won’t fit in their garage. ‘The name Tiguan is a mixture of two words,’ said a spokesman. ‘’Tiger’, because it is strong, and ‘guano’, because it shits on the competition. I don’t mean that literally. Or do I…?’
Over at Ford the big news was a medium sized SUV called the Edge which features lots of delay on the engine note and a special top cover to disguise that the roof is thinning.
Centrepiece of the Alfa stand was the vital new Giulia saloon. ‘When it goes on sale this car will showcase the great heritage of Alfa Romeo,’ said a spokesman. ‘By which I mean, it was developed in just two years and isn’t finished.’
Honda showed off the exciting Project 2&4 which is inspired by the company’s motorsport programme. To that end, the designers promise that it is slower than at least 18 other cars.
