There was more trouble for VW today with news that a mk4 Golf TDI driven by Gary Kestrel of Coventry doesn’t make the ‘easy 250 horsepower’ claimed by its owner, despite being ‘chipped and shit’.
‘Gaz is always going on about how much power his Golf’s got,’ said a source close to Mr Kestrel, his mate Fat Carl. ‘But then the other night in the Horse & Jockey, Welsh Ken told him he was full of shit.’
The consequences of this remarkable expose are yet to be seen but could sting Mr Kestrel to the tune of 18 billion times he will have to delete a post on an internet forum written under the user name ‘Torquemaster’ and in which he claims to have ‘burnt off’ some kind of supercar.
‘I wouldn’t feel too sorry for Gaz,’ said confident Tony Tits. ‘His Golf still leads the way on other things, like making a fucking huge racket on start up and dumping a massive black cloud of shit behind it every time he accelerates.’