Ferrari announces shares-based merchandise

Ferrari, yesterday
Ferrari, yesterday

After selling 10 percent of itself on the stock market this week, Ferrari has announced a new range of branded shares holders and accessories.

‘Our entry-level shares holder is made of red-painted, high performance aluminium,’ explained the company’s merchandising manager, Max Cashin. ‘Although for future resale purposes, we would recommend that customers specify the optional crema interior.’

For an extra 640 Euros, customers can order the premium Daytona sports shares holder which is made from the same high quality Frau leather as existing items of Ferrari merchandise such as the 750 Euro calzino telefono mobile phone holder, the 820 Euro costoso straccio sunglasses cleaning cloth and the 1400 Euro titolare di carne e verdure branded jockstrap.

Finally, there is a shares holder Speciale which is made of alcantara and a lot noisier.

To go with the range of shares holders, new investors are strongly advised to buy some special shares cleaning fluid and attend a bespoke Ferrari shares handling course. They will also be invited to buy a shares holder holder which has real leather handles and comes in a range of colours, all designed to tell the world that you don’t own an actual Ferrari.

Finally, anyone buying Ferrari shares this week will be able to order a 170 Euro T-shirt bearing the traditional Italian slogan for ‘I was there when a sweater-wearing buffoon started flogging off the family silver as part of his latest demonstration of apparently not knowing the fuck he is doing.’