Ask A Total Prick Columns

Ask A Total Prick From An Internet Forum volume 5

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TPFAIF_5Dear Total Prick From An Internet Forum,
This F1 season has been a let down for me. I think the sport needs to go back to basics, simplifying the rules and in particular looking at reducing the complexity of the aerodynamics to permit closer racing. What do you reckon?
Rob, Coventry

Total Prick From An Internet Forum replies…
So you’re in charge of F1 now are you? I must have missed that memo. Listen, you can sit there spouting your opinions but you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. I have a very close friend who works for a major team and the things he tells me are incredible and would expose your ignorance, though of course I can’t tell you any more than that. Perhaps in future you should keep your thoughts to yourself or learn to treat this forum and its members with some respect. These armchair critics really make me laugh. The simple fact is, unless your name is one B. Ecclestone you’re not in a position to judge. End of.


Dear Total Prick From An Internet Forum,
I live in the sticks and have a Land Cruiser as my everyday car but I really fancy a Land Rover as a bit of a toy. Torn between an old series 3 or a more modern Defender with a few trick bits. Any thoughts?
HT, Shropshire

Total Prick From An Internet Forum replies…
It’s like you haven’t read a thing I’ve said. Old Land Rovers are literally the worst cars in the world unless you literally want to hack one arm off to fit in it and then literally suffer a broken leg every time you use the clutch and then it will literally break down every time you drive it. I don’t even need to have driven one to tell you that this is obviously the case and you must be missing a brain if you think otherwise. Fact. In all the time I have owned my Honda Civic Type-S I have never, repeat NEVER, had a single problem with it. Why do you think I can’t imagine a single car I would replace it with? What, you think it’s because I’m a low ranking IT professional and I can’t afford anything else now my parents have started charging me rent? Whatever. If you consider anything other than an HCT-S you’re doing it wrong and methinks someone’s going to come crying back when your stupid ‘fashion’ car goes wrong again. Why is your tone so aggressive? I’m being polite and you seem determined to turn this into an argument. Frankly, your post offends me and I will be reporting you to the mods. You have left me with no choice. Simple as.


Dear Total Prick From An Internet Forum,
Hey mate. Will there be any other forum meet ups this year? Gutted I couldn’t make the Nurburgring trip last month.
Dave, London

Total Prick From An Internet Forum replies…
Oh my God, I can’t believe you missed the HCT-SF ‘Ringmaster weekend. Garlic bread? Garlic? Bread?!!!! SuperPete87 knows what I mean! Amazing weekend! “And then SHE said!!!!!” 😉 Awesome time with awesome people. One meeeeeeeellion dollars!!!!! 🙂 Ask VTEC_Simon about the kettle!!!!!!!! Are those standard rims?????? 😉 LEMON MERINGUE!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL 🙂 🙂 🙂