Columns Crazy Dave

Crazy Dave at the 2015 Race Of Champions

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CrazyDave2014Och aye tha noo muthafuckas! Crazy Dave Coulthard comin’ atcha from tha Olympiddy Stadiumiddy for the twenny fiddeen Racizzle of Championizzles. Fo’ sho’.

So Crazy D be in tha hizzy on Friday fo’ tha rumble in tha London an’ tings be sweet like sho’bread served on a bagpizzle cuz me be wit’ ma what-the-funk-happened-to-yo-accent shortie SuWoo representin’ Team Scotlizzle. Nayizzle botherizzle. ‘Cept, tings don’t go so deep fried gravy fo’ me and ma sista. Ma girl get her retirin’ ass whooped by ma endurance racin’ homie A Bun-to-tha-Cum and then tha D master get beat by ma so solid brother Jenny B. They can take our points but they can never take our free… oh. Shizzle.

Nuff respect to tha English bastards who takin’ tha team victory, ma rubbin’ is racin’ homie Baked P and ma most famous brother no one ever heard of, Andizzle Prizzlizzleuzzilex.

Ting is, we still got tha inviduizzle contest to go. That’s right, it be tha Racizzle of Championizzles Championizzizzle of Championizzlizzlizzlez. An’ hot dang there be some homies wit’ tha skillz in this showdown. We got ma under-rated homie Tha Hulk, we got ma permasmiley brother D Riccy, we got ma so solid endurohomie Tommy K. This be some serious driving abilitizzles here. And Filly M.

But see, dem kidz ain’t reckoned wit’out tha wise mind and tight strides of yo’s truly Crazy D cuz me is bringin’ ma mad skillz out to play in tha stadiayay. In tha first round, me take down ma strong lady homie Tha Woolfstress an’ in round deux Tha D be kickin’ da ass of FiMa. Boom! Dat’s right, Crazy D got a semi. And not tha sort y’all sometimes see in ma jeans on tha F1 coveragizzle.

So all you homies need to recall that Crazy D is tha returning champiohomie here and lemme tell y’all, D ain’t lookin’ to leave a gap on he’s mantlepizzle. Trouble is, tha D gotta take on ma 4x pointy finger F1 champiobrother Sebby V. Tha D ain’t going down wit’out a fight but me us’ ain’t got tha moves to see off tha Vettster. Hot dang. But ain’t no shame in that cuz pretty soon ma making tha best of he patchy Ferrari homie be smashin’ it wit’ Tommy K in the finalay. Nuff respec’ to SeVe. Y’all can look after ma troph until next year.

Peace out homies. Peace out.