Beleaguered Volkswagen is under more pressure today as it hopes no one will notice the massive polystyrene fire that has raged behind its Wolfsburg factory since the early ‘90s.
‘I guess we must have started burning enormous quantities of polystyrene on a patch of land behind the factory around the time we announced the Golf mk3,’ admitted an anonymous source. ‘To be honest, it’s just a part of the furniture now. But a raging, white-hot piece of furniture that constantly belches noxious clouds of choking black smoke into the atmosphere. We like it.’
Sources say VW has quietly fed the vast, suffocating blaze with fresh sheets of polystyrene for over two decades before its current woes forced the company to accept that this might be seen as ‘quite bad’.
‘Let me be very clear, this fire is not simply burning off large quantities of polystyrene in a needlessly dangerous way,’ insisted a high-ranking insider. ‘We also use it to get rid of old tyres and sometimes invite employees to appease the poisonous flame gods with their old sofas and mattresses, especially if these items were made before the mid-‘80s’.
Company insiders say Volkswagen will now attempt to draw attention away from the 23-year-long toxic blaze it constantly stokes with new supplies of noxiously flammable materials, perhaps by vaguely claiming something about ‘an engineering solution’ to the problem.