After revealing snippets of his new music, Lewis Hamilton is to continue his quest to make it very hard to like him by setting up a mis-sold PPI cold calling business.
‘There’s still some people who, like, still, like, like me, hashtag like me, hashtag patience of a saint, hashtag blessed,’ the Brit racer admitted. ‘But I can like todally fix that by ringing their mobiles at, like, inconvenient times and asking if, like, they’d, like, like to talk about reclaiming mis-sold PPI. Hashtag payment protection insurance, hashtag is this a good time to talk, hashtag blessed.’
‘I can todally, like, combine my, like, constant ringing of your cellphone with my other off-putting projects. Hashtag fan repellent, hashtag unplaceable accent, hashtag brian blessed,’ the not Los Angeles born star continued. ‘For example, sneaking into your house and leaving a single TeamLH Lego brick right by your bed, hiding the cables but not the plugs for all your phone chargers, and advertising the insurance company Go Compare. Hashtag pain and irritation, hashtag please stop liking me, hashtag sunblest sliced bread.’
Sources close to the allegedly Rihanna-banging racer say if these off-season projects to make it extremely difficult to like him don’t work he may have to engage in the ultimate move to make it very, very hard to like him; changing his name to ‘Jacques Villeneuve’.