Merc gains full control of photocopier

Article image
An new Mercedes, yesterday. Hard to say which one.
An new E-class, yesterday.

There was excitement in Germany today with news that Mercedes has discovered the enlarge and shrink menu on its photocopier.

‘Four years ago we got a new photocopier,’ explained a source. ‘But the only thing we could get it to do was shrink by 40 percent. This was okay, because we had finished the new S-class and were working on the new C-class at the time.’

‘That photocopier has been very troublesome,’ our insider continued. ‘One day we were trying to run off some duplicates of designs for the M-class facelift and there was a massive paper jam causing all the copies to warp and distort in a most disgusting way. Hence, the GLE Coupe.’

Stuttgart sources say Merc has put these troubles behind it and now has full control of the shrink and enlarge functions on its photocopier. ‘We can make a picture of an S-class slightly smaller or we can make a picture of a C-class slightly larger,’ one senior source boasted. ‘So anyway, the new E-class is officially announced next week.’