F1 bosses have this week agreed a landmark deal which will secure the dismalness of the sport for the coming years.
The new deal, thrashed out over two days of extremely boring and expensive meetings, guarantees the use of the current turbocharged V6 hybrid engines until at least 2020 or whenever the last person stops watching.
‘This is great news for everyone who likes sport that isn’t too noisy,’ noted Maurice Ital of Every Other Sunday magazine. ‘And it certainly allays fears that F1 might accidentally make the cars more charismatic or interesting in the next four years.’
For those still worried that Formula 1 might become a bit too interesting in the foreseeable future, the new deal brought more good news in the form of a rule limiting each driver to three rather than five gearboxes per season, maximising the chances of tedious processions featuring bored men trying not to wear out various parts of their cars in case someone on a two-way radio shouts at them.
‘This is great news,’ said insomniac F1 fan Laslo Ptitts. ‘Now if only the sport would limit each driver to one front wing a year and have that front wing made of glass, I think we could finally achieve the dream of banishing all racing!’
‘We like this deal because it will make it easier to sell customer engines,’ said a spokesman for Honda. ‘Why are you laughing?’