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Rosberg working hard on ways to get arse handed to him

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Nico Rosberg, yesterday
Nico Rosberg, yesterday

Sources in the Germo-Finlandic quarter of Monte Carlo say Nico Rosberg has been spending the Formula 1 off season working ‘flat out’ to build watertight strategy for once again getting his arse handed to him by Lewis Hamilton.

‘Nico knows that Lewis might not be on great form at the start of the season because he’s been titting about in Las Vegas with two types of Kardashian or something,’ said a source close to the Findo-Germanic driver. ‘That’s why he’s got to think on his feet to make sure that, even if his team mate isn’t on his game, Nico can still get his arse handed to him in some way or other’.

Friends of the TeutoFin driver say he has been spending hours at a time in a specially-built simulator which allows him to run through hundreds of ways in which he might choke under pressure.

‘Nico is leaving nothing to chance,’ said one Mercedes insider. ‘He’s got to consider thousands of possibilities for ways in which he can bottle it, say something really whiny on the radio, and then have his arse handed to him by Lewis Hamilton.’

Meanwhile, in the Hertfordshire quarter of Los Angeles, spies say team mate Hamilton has spent the last seven days entirely in the gym… posing in front of the equipment trying to get an Instagram photo right.