Revamped Top Gear in crisis

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Chris Evans, yesterday
Chris Evans, yesterday

The re-birth of Top Gear is in crisis this week as rumours persist that presenter Chris Evans doesn’t know what a car is.

‘Chris comes into the office every week and says, ‘WHAT IS CAR?’ over and over again,’ admitted one insider. ‘But then he gets distracted by a picture of a hat and doesn’t really listen to the answer’.

‘It’s really affecting the filming schedule,’ confessed another BBC insider. ‘Every shoot we arrange, Chris turns up and just blunders about shouting, ‘IS THIS CAR?’ while pointing at a horse or a wall or a sandwich.’

These latest rumours would explain Evans’s behaviour last month when asked by a journalist to name his favourite car. ‘Chris said, ‘CAAAAAR?’ several times with a furrowed brow,’ said one onlooker. ‘Then he did a little dance, and smiled at a plug socket.’

However, it seems Evans’s confusion could be just the start of Top Gear’s problems. ‘Even if Chris works out what a car is, which seems unlikely since he currently seems to have confused ‘car’ with the emotion of ‘wistfulness’, we’re not sure he will be able to drive,’ admitted a high ranking BBC source. ‘This is because last year to raise money for charity he had both of his hands removed and then replaced with some raspberry jelly.’