London cabbies design new taxi

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The new taxi, yesterday
The new taxi, yesterday

LTI has revealed details of its next generation London taxi which the company says has been developed in line with suggestions from the capital’s cabbies.

As a result of this unique input, the new taxi will be incapable of driving in a straight line for more than 100 yards before veering unexpectedly up a side street whilst a suite of on-board sensors allow a screen in the back to flash up a series of messages such as ‘bloody speedbumps’, ‘bloody width restrictors’ and ‘bloody Ken Livingstone did this di’n’t ‘e’.

Up front, driver convenience is very much the order of the day with a Daily Express holder, a picture of Margaret Thatcher and an enhanced communications system which means passengers won’t miss a word of every 45 minute rant about how unfair it is to have competition from an app-based taxi service that’s cheaper, more convenient and not as racist.

In the name of efficiency, LTI has simplified several aspects of the new taxi so that the radio only receives LBC, the meter starts at £30, and the engine won’t take you to where you live because it’s after 10pm and your house isn’t immediately off Oxford Street.

The new taxi is expected to cost around £35,000 although it will get extremely huffy if you don’t give it at least 40 grand.