As the start of the 2016 approaches, the powers behind F1 have warned that the future of the sport is in jeopardy unless teams and drivers agree to be more comically cack.
‘Despite various problems, the 2015 season was strong for hilariously shit things,’ said one high-ranking F1 insider. ‘There was that rubbish Honda engine making McLaren look stupid, which is always hilarious, Will Stevens had an amusingly high voice, and Lotus persisted with Pastor Maldonado. You really can’t underestimate the power of a grunting fuckwit who appears capable of crashing into himself.’
‘Now Maldonado and Stevens have gone,’ our mole continued. ‘And McLaren are threatening to be good enough to stop Button and Alonso giving post-retirement interviews in which they sound exasperated to the point of giggling cheerfulness like two dads having an awful time at Center Parcs.’
‘All I can say is, thank God we’ve got Haas,’ our insider concluded. ‘Otherwise, without comical uselessness what would draw people to the sport? Balls-out, exciting racing?’ he asked, breaking down into tears and laughter at the same time.