The 2016 Geneva motoring show – part 2

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The Geneva motor show is traditionally in Geneva and this year was no exception. Here is another report from there.

Gen16Abarth124Fiat revealed the new Abarth version of its 124 roadster which has a black bonnet and is therefore ace. ‘Oh shit,’ said a Mazda spokesman, hastily checking the small print of a big contract.

Alfa Romeo showed off the lower-powered version of the forthcoming Giulia along with details of the 17 new ways in which it will be delayed. The company also announced the new Giulietta which is like the old Giulietta with a very slightly different bumper. ‘This gives you a big clue as to where Alfa Romeo is going,’ said a spokesman. ‘By which I mean, downhill.’

The big news at Maserati was Levante, which is a new type of shower gel.

Lotus showed off the exciting Evora Sport 410. ‘This is a very exclusive model and we will only make 150 of them in the next year,’ said a spokesman. ‘That’s because we always like to have 148 spares at the factory.’

Ferrari gave the first public airing for the revised FF, officially known as the GTC4Lusso. ‘Sorry,’ said a spokesman. ‘Our space bar is broken.’

Gen16ToyotaCHRToyota showed off its Nissan Juke rival, the C-HR. ‘Sorry,’ said a spokeman. ‘I can’t hear you over all the styling.’

The big news at Maserati was Levante, which is a new type of instant coffee.

Over at Bentley the main attraction was the facelifted Mulsanne which the company says offers a senseless amount of luxury. ‘I sat in the back for two minutes,’ admitted a spokesman. ‘And now I have gout.’

Volkswagen showed off a concept version of its forthcoming T-Cross, to be followed by a Brent-Cross, which will be annoyingly crowded at weekends, and a Kris-Kros, which will have its bumpers on backwards.

Rolls-Royce surprised show goers with new ‘Black Badge’ versions of its cars which are said to be younger, more dynamic and less likely to be nominated for an Academy Award.

Gen16MorganEV3The big news at Maserati was Levante, which is a new type of depressingly generic lifestyle crossover.

Finally, Morgan announced the EV3 which is powered by electricity. ‘It’s all very new fangled and plainly different to our petroleum powered three-wheeler,’ said a spokesman. ‘If you can’t see the differences, well, you should have gone to Monoclesavers.’