Formula 1 has announced the creation of a new body designed to ensure that the sport maintains its high standard of coming up with incredibly bad ideas.
The Terrible Ideas Team (TIT) will suggest new ways in which F1 can endlessly fiddle around with its own rules and structures to make the sport as needlessly contrived as possible.
‘F1 is currently at a crossroads,’ admitted one high-ranking insider. ‘Yes, the engines sound shite, the artificially rubbish tyres are tedious, and we’ve had the new qualifying format debacle but somehow people keep with it. We’ve got to work harder to make this sport so unbelievably complicated and unsatisfying that you just want to hammer a spoon through your temple with a shoe.’
The job of TIT will be to suggest yet more excessively complicated rulings to bury Formula 1 under so much tedious fine detail that the average fan can feel the very life force draining from their soul as they make another joyless attempt to understand what the merry fuck is going on now.
‘If F1 has a problem it’s that fans are put off because the whole sport is not brain fartingly complicated enough,’ said one source. ‘What, you think people just want to see talented, interesting people competing in simple, exciting racing? That’s not sport. You think football is just brilliant people trying to score goals or that tennis is just supreme athletes hitting a ball across a net? What? They are? Well it sounds like they seriously need a load of inelegant and contrived bollocks that adds nothing and stinks of desperation.’
Insiders say TIT will be formally announced at the Australian Grand Prix, then withdrawn and postponed until the middle of the season, then suddenly reintroduced for the first race, then maybe not, wait, hang on, does anyone know what’s happening?
‘Formula 1 needs this new TIT,’ said an FOM spokesman. ‘To go along with the one that already runs the sport.’