Morons in crisis

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A right-wing moron branch office, yesterday
A right-wing moron branch office, yesterday

There was turmoil amongst right-wing morons today as two recent car-related events sent their Farage-addled minds into a tailspin.

The latest outbreak of confused grunting has been caused by photographs appearing to show Top Gear allowing Ken Block to doughnut a Ford Mustang within sight of the Cenotaph. ‘I like Top Gear ‘cos of the cars and shit,’ explained knuckle tat knobend Liam Grest, speaking from his usual table in a pub with a flat roof. ‘But like a lot of right-wing morons, I’m inexplicably aroused by anything to do with the armed forces even though I’m too stupid, fat and frightened to join any branch of the military so I don’t like this ‘cos it’s disrespectful and shit and, erm… wait, let me check The Sun to see what I should think.’

The Top Gear controversy comes just days after right-wing morons were sent into panic by a newspaper column in which Jeremy Clarkson declared his support for staying in the EU. For reaction on this, Sniff Petrol spoke to some people having an alcoholic drink in the bar at Luton airport, even though it was 6:45am. ‘I like Jezza ‘cos he says what he thinks,’ explained fat-necked, football-shirt-on-an-aeroplane oaf Kev Dribble. ‘But I don’t like this because he’s saying what he thinks. How dare someone I agree with have an opinion that isn’t the same as mine.’

‘Europe is bad,’ added DFS sofa, Daily Express dullard Ken Turd. ‘Except the bit of Spain where me mam and dad live, that’s alright. I’m gonna retire there meself. But it’s okay, I won’t learn a word of Spanish so I can’t catch EU.’

‘Between Top Gear disrespecting something or other and Jezza not hating Europe I’m totally confused,’ admitted bullet-headed barrel of Carling and rage, Mick Spume. ‘I don’t know what to do about it. Continue to leave barely literate thick twat rants on the comments section of the Mail Online I suppose.’