Mitsubishi admits falsifying how shit its cars are

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An Mitsubishi, yesterday
An Mitsubishi, yesterday

Mitsubishi has apologised to customers after admitting it lied for several years about how shitty its cars are.

At a press conference in Tokyo, bosses confessed that the company had claimed its cars were ‘good or quite good’ when in fact they were ‘really shitty’.

The situation came to light only after engineers at Nissan tested cars made for them by Mitsubishi and noticed unusually high levels of shittiness in their data. ‘During routine testing of production cars we noticed something unusual,’ confirmed a Nissan spokesman. ‘The cars from Mitsubishi that were supposed to be good were, in fact, shit.’

The discovery triggered a wider independent investigation into the entire Mitsubishi range which threw up abnormally high levels of shitness, shittiness and shitosity.

‘The scale of this deceit should not be underestimated,’ said Far East car expert Forrest Carecks-Pert. ‘It seems possible that, if this shittitude data is correct, Mitsubishi hasn’t made an un-shit car for over 10 years.’

‘It’s extremely economical and I don’t care that it’s shit because it’s extremely economical and also economical,’ squawked an Outlander PHEV owner, reversing into a bollard outside a supermarket, yesterday.