New holy day announced

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An Focus RS, yesterday
An Focus RS, yesterday

The Home Secretary has confirmed that the saviour of mankind will be celebrated with a new holy day, to be called Focus RSmas.

Sources say the government was prompted to introduce the new day after reading road tests of the new Ford Focus RS in which it was praised for its performance, handling and ability to feed the starving.

‘The Focus RS was sent to save us all with its power and majesty,’ said a devout follower wearing the traditional vestments of an RS-branded fleece and cap. ‘It is only right to have a day in which we celebrate its benevolent ability to heal the sick, cure the lame and see off the Golf R in a group test.’

Focus RSmas will be celebrated exclusively by motoring journalists who will mark the day by exchanging gifts such as branded USB sticks containing the press pack for the Ford Focus RS and photographs of themselves drifting a Ford Focus RS while sporting a barely concealed erection.