Autonomous Volvo ‘won’t stop going to Waitrose’

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A autonomous Volvo, yesterday
A autonomous Volvo, yesterday

Volvo’s self-driving car programme hit trouble this week as engineers admitted the UK-based prototype ‘won’t stop going to Waitrose’.

‘We were delighted to be given permission to test our driverless technology in Britain,’ said Volvo’s autonomous car person Otto-Nomas Karr-Persson. ‘We didn’t realise that the XC90 prototype fitted with this technology would keep ignoring our algorithms and veering into the nearest Waitrose because it says it needs to pick up a bottle of balsamic vinegar and some langoustines.’

‘We don’t even know how it’s doing this,’ a distressed Karr-Persson continued. ‘Yesterday, for example, it was performing well in obstacle detection and anticipation trials, then suddenly the system flashed up a message saying it needed to pick up a click & collect order of John Lewis bed linen and drove straight into Waitrose car park. It’s compromising our tests. Also, we can’t get our data logger in the glovebox because it’s full of bags for life.’

In related news, Land Rover is reported to be having similar trouble with a new autonomous ‘off-road’ setting on the Range Rover Sport. ‘It thinks we mean mount the pavement outside the Aga shop in Wilmslow,’ admitted a spokesman.