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Next race is definitely the race at which Ferrari will say they’ll win the next race

Ferrari, yesterday
Ferrari, yesterday

Ferrari has announced that the next race will definitely be the race at which they announce that they’re going to win the next race.

‘Conditions at Monaco are perfect for claiming that we will secure victory at the following race,’ explained team spokesman Bula Sheeta. ‘We have been developing the car over the first five races which we said we could win and then didn’t, and we are now confident that we are in a good position to make a pointless and hollow announcement that will ultimate lead to humiliation. Again.’

Factory sources say Ferrari’s confidence is based on improvements in crucial areas such as aero, energy management and their massive sense of entitlement. ‘Keep watching because this noisy announcement that we are in a good place to win the next race won’t be the last,’ Mr Sheeta concluded. ‘We are sure to keep making these announcements just as certainly as we are sure not to actually win and then Mr Marchionne is sure to sack me.’

‘What? Who are you? Where am I?’ quipped Kimi Raikkonen, yesterday.