Peugeot has revealed details of a brave new recovery plan based around the radical concept of not making shit cars.
Speaking at the launch of the new 3008 crossover, Peugeot boss Maximum Picante confirmed that the company has decided its future lies in crossovers, hybrids, electric power for smaller models, and just generally making cars that aren’t shit.
‘For many years our cars were shit,’ Machu Picchu explained. ‘But then, for various reasons, we accidentally made cars such as the 208 GTi which was not shit and this brought us a realisation; what if we tried to make more cars that weren’t shit? Perhaps that would be, ‘ow you say, une bonne idée. And this is how the new policy was born. Internally, we call it Pas La Merde.’
‘Now, at the start of every vehicle project we sit down and say, how can we make this car not look like shit and drive like shit and be built like shit,’ Massive Pikachu continued. ‘I can assure you, for many people here it is a very big culture shock.’
Monsieur Maxïmo Park later hinted that Peugeot could follow the lead of sister company Citroen and its DS brand by taking a much-loved badge from the past, slapping it on some highly styled hatchbacks and then trying to pretend it’s a separate company even though everyone knows that it’s not. ‘It could be called 505 GL Estate,’ he said, mysteriously.