Starting next month, Paris is to ban from its streets any car that isn’t dented to fuck.
The controversial new plan comes from Mayor of Paris, May Eauvparis, and aims to restore the traditional appearance of the French capital by ensuring that the only cars within it are 12 year old Clios which appear to have suffered a frenzied attack with a hammer.
Checkpoints around the city will ensure that no car can enter the central zone unless it is definitely a faded late-model Peugeot 205 that seems to have been mauled by an elephant or an original Twingo with a full-length sunroof and the paint of 19 other cars on its sides.
‘This system will be rigorously policed,’ explained PR for Paris, Pierre Forparis. ‘You will not be able to cheat the system by purposely adding dents to your car and for this reason we have already warned our people not to deliberately crash into another car. Unless they are trying to get into a parking space, in which case that’s perfectly acceptable.’
Authorities say that banning any vehicle that isn’t dented to fuck from the streets of Paris is likely to reduce traffic in the city by up to three or four cars.