Porsche loses ugly stick

The new Panamera, yesterday
The new Panamera, yesterday

There was embarrassment in Germany as Porsche admitted it has lost its ugly stick.

‘For many years we have painstakingly created clay models of our future cars and then given them a damn good thrashing with das uglischtick,’ admitted Porsche design boss Portia-Des Aynboss, speaking at the reveal of the new Panamera. ‘But then two or three years ago we went to get the stick and it was missing. The result is cars like this. I mean, look at it. It’s quite nice.’

Experts have long suspected that Porsche’s ugly stick had become lost or damaged after noticing a series of uncharacteristic design decisions such as 911s in which the wheelbase didn’t look too short, Boxsters on which you could tell which end was the front, and a Cayenne that didn’t make onlookers feel a bit queasy.

Nonetheless, sources in Stuttgart say Porsche is keen to put an end to cars like the rather pleasant looking new Panamera by finding its ugly stick again. ‘Perhaps they could borrow one of ours,’ offered a spokesman for Ssangyong.