There was good news for Sauber this week as the struggling Swiss operation was bought up by a finance company which promises to ‘make the team completely adequate again’.
‘For too long Sauber has been sort of around the back of the midfield,’ admitted a spokesman for new owners, Cashmoney S.A. or something. ‘That’s not where they should be. They should be in the middle of the midfield. And sometimes even at the front. Of the midfield, I mean. Not the actual race, obviously.’
However, Sauber’s new paymasters insist that they are not intending to rebuild the team from scratch. ‘We have to respect the team’s traditions,’ insisted an insider at Minted Industries or whatever they’re called. ‘Traditions such as painting the car so it looks like a something from a shit GP2 team or continuing to give work to Marcus Ericsson even though no one is quite sure if he’s any good or not and is starting to think perhaps not.’
However, Sauber’s sale to Completely Aboveboard Inc. is bad news for Peter Sauber himself who has decided to be sacked by his eponymous company, though he is able to lease his own name back to them at $3.50 a letter or $18 the set.