There was good news for fans of moaning and missed opportunities today as Nico Rosberg signed to Mercedes for another two years.
‘Nico is delighted to secure a new Mercedes contract,’ said a spokesman for the Monafinnman driver. ‘And he is confident the team will continue to give him the car he needs in order to choke under pressure and not quite win another world championship.’
‘Of course, this is about more than the car, it is also about the team mate,’ continued the spokesman. ‘And Nico believes that in Lewis Hamilton he has someone he knows he can try to fuck with by being eerily calm, someone he can get really whiny about when things don’t go his way, and someone who can ultimately hand his arse to him, again.’
Rosberg’s new contract takes him to until the end of 2018, by which time he hopes to be able to get out of an F1 car without getting all tangled in the wires and tubes like a competition winner on a single-seater track day.