This month marks 40 years of the Fiesta. We look back at notable moments from the life of the small Ford that’s also a porn mag.
1976 – Ford announces its brand new small car to be built in a brand new factory in Valencia. The new model is named after the Spanish word for kitchen paper.
1977 – The Fiesta wins the prestigious Engine of the Year award in the category of loudest tappet noise.
1981 – The Fiesta XR2 is launched featuring a 1.6-litre engine, sporty exterior trim, and an interior specially modified to allow the driver to shout, ‘OI-OI, GEEEEEZAHHHHH!’ out of the window.
1983 – The Mk2 model is launched and sticks with the Fiesta name, despite attempts by Ford’s German marketing office to call it ‘Hasslehoff’.
1984 – Ford announces the first diesel-engined Fiesta. At the time of writing, its 0-60 time is still being measured.
1987 – Ford announces that all mk1 Fiestas in Britain have now been fitted with mk2 tailgates and look terrible.
1988 – The Mk3 model is launched and sticks with the Fiesta name, despite attempts by Ford’s German marketing office to call it ‘The Scorpions’.
1989 – Sales of the mk3 Fiesta are disappointing after lukewarm reviews in the motoring media such as the all-important Autocar road test which called it ‘shitting tosswater’.
1990 – Ford announces the Fiesta RS Turbo, thereby answering critics who said the XR2i was simply far too good at being able to drive in a straight line.
1995 – The mk4 model is launched and sticks with the Fiesta name, despite attempts by Ford’s German marketing office to call it ‘Piss party’.
1999 – The mk4 receives a facelift designed to stop it ingesting so much krill.
2002 – The mk5 model is launched and sticks with the Fiesta name because Ford’s German marketing office has been closed down.
2005 – The Fiesta mk5 receives a facelift and a new series of trim levels so that the range now runs Fragrance, Foreskin, Frig and Fuckinghell. The sporty range topper continues to be called ST, which stands for ‘sanitary towel’.
2008 – The mk6 Fiesta is launched featuring a dashboard inspired by a mobile phone keypad. ‘This won’t date,’ claimed a spokesman. ‘Because mobile phones are unlikely to change in the next… oh. Shit.’
2012 – A mk1 Fiesta XR2 sells for over £20,000 at auction. Its value is inflated because it is the only known example not owned by someone called Gary.
2016 – Ford celebrates 40 years of the Fiesta with an event inspired by the car’s name. ‘It means party,’ said a spokesman. ‘Although unfortunately I had Google Translate on the wrong settings when I was booking everything. Do you know anyone who wants to buy a shit load of kitchen roll and jazz mags?’