There was chaos in F1 today as drivers and team personnel struggled desperately to think of something nice to say about sacked despot Bernie Ecclestone.
‘I was erring towards, “He did a lot for the sport”,’ explained one team principal. ‘But some bastard got that one first so now I’ll have to come up with another blandly non-committal pleasantry that doesn’t sound too much like “greedy little prick”.’
‘I was going to try, “the sport won’t be the same without him”,’ admitted one current driver. ‘I mean, it’s vague, it’s accurate, and it manages not to contain the words “manipulative little tit”.’
‘I suppose we could get away with, “It’s truly the end of an era” if we put an exclamation mark at the end to hide our feeling of relief behind a false sense of surprise,’ noted another team boss. ‘Unless of course there’s a more polite way of saying “spiteful little shit”?’
‘We’ll always be indebted to Bernie,’ noted a former manager at the Manor team. ‘No, really. That’s why I’m on my way to the dole office. What a toddler haircut twat. I mean, erm, “Wow, what a legacy!”’