Following confirmation that PSA is engaged in negotiations to take over Vauxhall/Opel in Europe, sources in Paris say that the French company is keen to inexplicably acquire a company that’s exactly the same as itself.
‘This is a perfect fit,’ explained PSA spokesman Pierre Saye-Spowksmeun. ‘GM Europe is a company that struggles to make a profit as a result of high costs, too much capacity in heavily unionised factories and a unattractively middle-market image so they would be a great addition to PSA, which is a company that struggles to make a profit as a result of high costs, too much capacity in heavily unionised factories and a unattractively middle-market image.’
Insiders say PSA is particularly attracted to the GM Europe because of the natural alignment between their current range, which used to look shit but is now more attractive and which is often sold at a discount, and the Peugeot-Citroen model line-up, which used to look shit but is now more attractive and which is often sold at a discount.
‘Separately, we are two companies fighting each other in the same dwindling and uninspiring area of the market,’ explained one high-ranking insider. ‘But together, we are one big company fighting itself for the same in the same dwindling and uninspiring area of the market.’
Interestingly, a GM Europe / PSA merger would create Europe’s second largest car maker, and the biggest when measured by thin interior plastic consumption.
