Motorsport News

Crazy Dave reports from Bahrain 2018

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A race report from the jive talking fictionalised version of an in-joke so old no one can remember it

Och aye tha noo muthafuckas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha live an’ direct fo’ tha one-to-tha-eight season on tha CFo’ wit’ ma homecrew M Web, SuWoo, K Chandiddy and Steve Jones. Consummate professionalizzle.

So las’ weekend we slide on over MidEast style fo’ tha Gee Pee of Bahraizzle and this be sub-optimizzle operating conditionizzles fo’ tha D man. Tighty whitie jeanz full o’ sand. Itchizzle.

Come that three shot hot trot, everyone be expectin’ it be a lockout fo’ ma homies at tha MC Des but they ain’t reckoned wit’ tha powah of ma so solid crew at tha Prancin’ Ho’ cuz them brothers be on fire, not literallizzley. So, it be a perma smiley pointy finga fuck off Charlie homeboy Sebby V who put it on tha uno wit’ ma monosyllable don’t ask me I ain’t got no power bwoah boy K Raikk on tha twos. Ma so-sensible buddy Val Botty be on that threes and this be a disappointizzle fo’ ma so fly tatts on tha Instagram homie Da Ham cuz he slam it on the fou’ hole and then take a cinque slot drop. Gearbozzle replacemezzle penaltizzle.

Come tha five an’ out, Sebby V be flyin’ but tings ain’t so gravy fo’ ma buddies at tha ReBu cuz D Ric be out fo’ tha unspecified powertrain problemz an’ befo’ that ma homechild Maximum V be slammin’ into Da Ham. Respec’ fo’ tha’ disrespec’. Ting is, this be causin’ heself a popped rubba, and not tha’ kind that cause Crazy D a panic in tha hotel room, knowwha’amsayin’? Always take precautionz, kids. Contraceptionizzle.

I gotta say, that peripatetic accent cat Da Ham be pullin’ some fly skillz on tha otha homedogs an’ pretty soon he be in tha four hole. An’ then tings get mad crazy flipped around cuz K Raikk be all in he’s box and some fool be releasin’ he when tha coast ain’t clear. This shit be bad, and Tha D mean bad as in bad, not bad as in bad. K Raikk have to retire and a wheelhomie get some bad shit going down. Brokizzle shizzlebone and fibulizzle. Ow!

Wit’ Raikko on tha downlow, Da Ham slams it on tha three but Sebby V be on tha Plan B and he be doing all he can on tha soft. No a problem Crazy D eva have, knowwha’amsayin’? Tha Mo’Cedes homies be hopin’ Val Botty can hunt down tha’ Fo’Rarri but it ain’t to be, an’ tha Sebster being it in on the ones. Genuinelizzle impressivizzle drivinizzle performance. Izzle.

Also, Tha D gotta say maximum respec’ to ma homerookie P Gazzle who bring it on down in tha four slot and no respec’ to ma homehomies at Will.I.Ams cuz they be shizzle. Pay drivizzle embarrassmentizzle. Jus’ give it to tha homie with tha broken hand, yo. Fo’ sho’.

This been Crazy D rappin’ wit’ ya about tha Gee to tha Pee. Peace out homies. Peace out.