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Mercedes makes another tactical error

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Top team in terrible tactical twat-up

Fresh from last weekend’s disaster at the Austrian race, Mercedes has made another catastrophic tactical error this week after booking Lewis Hamilton to stay in a local campsite for the entire British Grand Prix weekend.

“Lewis told us he wanted to ‘get close to the fans’ and ‘keep it real’ at Silverstone,” explained a team insider. “Unfortunately, we took that quite literally by getting him a two-man tent and booking him a space on the Merry Farm Campsite, about 25 minutes walk from the Stowe entrance. I’m told it’s not actually that merry. And also, ignore what it says on the website about ‘hot showers’.”

Insiders says there is now some concern about the British driver’s ability to focus ahead of his home race when he will have to spend two hours each day trudging back and forth to his tent, not including time spent signing autographs and waving at shirtless men in Jordan caps who have just shouted “Wahay! Looooo-iiiiiiis!” at high volume across a crowd.

The Mercedes team is also said to be concerned at its star driver’s ability to get enough sleep as his pitch is said to be “worryingly close” to a much larger tent owned by some people who have brought a generator, a very large television, a paddling pool “FULL of beer cans” and a stereo system which can only play early 2000s chart dance music at extremely high volume.

However, there is one positive note to Hamilton’s uncomfortable and boiling hot weekend accommodation and that’s news that he will be sharing his tent with teammate Valtteri Bottas. “We didn’t ask Valtteri to camp,” admitted a team source. “But he does it at every race anyway. He just likes pitching tents. And finding someone to talk to about owls.”