Chris Bangle remembers your cruel words, by Chris Bangle

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The former BMW design boss has something to tell us

Hello. It is I, Chris Bangle. Chris Bangle was Chief of Design at BMW. You remember Chris Bangle. And Chris Bangle remembers your cruel words.

Hey Chris Bangle, why does the trunk lid look like it does not fit properly? Hey Chris Bangle, what are these weird creases up the bodysides? Hey Chris Bangle, has this vehicle been in an accident? Yes, you remember Chris Bangle and Chris Bangle has not forgotten what you said.

Well, as we say in automotive design, revenge is a dish best served cold, and with a challenging surface treatment. And now, at last, I can reveal that Chris Bangle has had his revenge. When Chris Bangle left BMW do you think Chris Bangle simply walked away with your unkind words ringing in his forward-looking ears? Of course not. Chris Bangle would not do that. That is why before Chris Bangle left BMW, Chris Bangle put in place his plan. Carefully, Chris Bangle assembled the team that would take his revenge. There they were, his most talentless and incompetent troops.

Chris Bangle picked only the worst. The guy who thinks rear lamps should eventually meet in the middle, the guy who believes air intakes should be many different shapes and sizes on the same car, the guy who can’t figure out which way up the kidney grille should go.

Now, at last, you see the fruits of Chris Bangle’s dastardly plan. The X2. The 6-series Gran Turismo. And finally, the culmination of Chris Bangle’s careful scheme, the brand new Z4. Do you like it? Of course not, it is awful. That is what Chris Bangle knew would happen. This is your punishment for laughing at Chris Bangle. Chris Bangle has had the last laugh. Because now you miss Chris Bangle.