Mild makeover move for Midlands motorway
In a bid to attract more custom, the M6 toll road in the West Midlands is to re-brand itself as ‘M6 business class’.
“This is a very logical re-positioning of our product as it really is like business class travel,” explains M6 toll boss Emma Sixtollboss. “For example, our road is more exclusive than the normal M6, largely on account of there being very few cars on it.”
“Also, just like business class on an airline we too can boast a ‘fast track’ function,” Ms. Sixtollboss continues. “Although in our case we mean ‘driving at 95mph while hoping one of those not-a-model-you-expected unmarked police cars doesn’t get you’.”
In newly printed promotional materials, the M6 Business Class boasts of other ‘premium’ features including more spacious carriageways, service station lavatories that barely smell of week-old horse piss, and a feeling of smug satisfaction from lording it over the poor.
“We’re all familiar with the concept of ‘turning left’ on an aeroplane,” Ms. Sixtollboss concludes. “Well now you can ‘turn left’ on a motorway too. Not literally. It’s actually a gentle bearing to the right. Just look out for the fucking useless electronic sign that always tells you the M6 Toll is clear as if that’s news when it would be more useful to tell you the state of the normal M6. Or, as we now call it, M6 Midlands Traveller.”