Benz brings in new blaze boast
Mercedes has announced today that in future all its new cars will be ‘a little bit on fire’.
The decision to unilaterally standardise being a little bit on fire means no matter which Mercedes a buyer chooses in future, from the cheapest A-class to a top-of-the-range AMG GT R, they will get the same standard of being very slightly ablaze.
The decision to make all new Mercedes’ a little bit on fire is in response to feedback from the all-important Chinese market where customers are said to favour things that are visibly burning.
“Fire is hugely important in Chinese culture,” explained Benz exports director Ben Zexportzdirektor. “And Mercedes-Benz is very proud to be the first car maker to offer being a little bit on fire as standard across its entire range.”
While Mercedes hopes that making all its cars a little bit on fire will boost sales in its biggest market, critics say buyers in other parts of the world like Europe, North America and Japan do not favour cars that are displaying the unsettling signs of uncontrolled combustion and that it’s foolish to impose tastes from one country on the rest of the world, something Mr Zexportzdirektor is quick to rebuff. “It’s much easier to just make all our cars a little bit on fire and you’ll just have to get used to it,” he said firmly. “Now shut up or we’ll design another Maybach”.
