Commonplace classic covered by waffly words of wank
There was despair across Britain today as a newly published classified advert for a moderately interesting old car contained a pointless 30,000 word essay on the history of this model, the car itself and the entire universe.
“I was browsing the Classic Motors For Sale website when I noticed this quite interesting old car in their new listings,” explained looking-at-things enthusiast Sluggen Bode. “What I didn’t expect was having to wade through the entire history of humanity before I got to a mention of the specific model only to discover I had another 10,000 words to go on the man who designed the cocking indicator stalk before I could find out, oh I don’t know, the mileage or what engine it’s got or something”.
Experts say the new advert bears all the hallmarks of a classic of the tediously over-written advert genre, including a suffocatingly stuffy tone, a needless amount of pre-amble about society several decades ago, and a whole deeply tiresome section about the first owner of the car including the name of the dealer he bought it from as if this in some way makes the car better, which it doesn’t because it all sounds made up anyway.
However, not everyone has completely lost the will to live on discovering that an advert for a mildly interesting old car is an inexplicable novella containing information that anyone interested in such a model would know already. “Some people like this level of detail because it makes the car seem more interesting and reputable,” said Headly Pomade of The Classic Car Dealers’ Association. “Specifically, those people are car dealers who have bought some knackered old tat, given it a really good clean and taken some nice photos of it, and then made it seem like a respectable concours gem by advertising it in an incredibly pompous way”.