Oscar win for Williams

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Gong glory for family firm favourite

Last night’s Academy Awards brought delight to Oxfordshire as Claire Williams won the Oscar in the category of “Acting as if everything is okay”.

The Williams deputy team principal beat off tough competition in the hotly contested arena of grinning rigidly and claiming everything isn’t going to cock, with many bookies tipping a win for Theresa May or late entrant Maurizio Sarri.

“The judges were clearly impressed with Claire Williams’s stunning performance as someone claiming there is nothing to worry about in the face of comically massive evidence to the contrary,” said Hollywood reporter, Holly Wood-Reporter. “In fact, I don’t think we’ve seen such a stunning rendition of trying to pretend everything isn’t going to shit even while it’s visibly going to shit behind them since
Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf’s 2003 performance in Iraq”.

Staff at Williams headquarters in the UK were said to be “ecstatic” about the Oscar for Claire Williams, although they were denied a win for their FW42 which was entered in the best picture category as the star of Shitty, Shitty Bang Bang.