Columns Gin-soaked mummy

“There’s certainly no joke with this new Karroc Skoda”

Article image

Guest reviewer XANDRIA BISKER-FISCKER, founder of the GIN SOAKED MUMMY blog, tests a new family car

I was at the opening of Bella Montevisorian’s pop-up artisanal hat shop when the chap from Sniff Petrol rang to ask if I would test something called a Karock. “A carrot?!” I replied, impishly, to which he just sighed, said it would arrive next week and then hung up! The timing couldn’t have been better as I was getting my driving licence back (justice at last – it turns out daddy knows the magistrate!) and was set to head to the absolutely gorg Honeyfarm Festival in the actual flipping countryside. What better way to get there than in someone else’s lovely new car!

The following Weds I returned from a delicious lunch at Oriolan with Amadella Horningblade ( to find a chap from Karrok on the front steps and his car on the drive looking really super with its green paintwork and so on. I would have taken it for a spin right there and then but I’d had quite a lot of lunch and didn’t want to risk it, what with only just getting the old licence returned after the last incident of ‘driving after two bottles of lunch and a lunch & tonic’! I did take a picture of the Karokk and text it to Filibus, a.k.a “The Son”, but I don’t know if he got it because his school therapist keeps bloody well advising him to block my messages for a bit. 11-year-olds, eh? It’s enough to make a mother go straight into the house and open a bottle of Whispering Angel on her own and then another one!

The next morning I was up early for my 10:30am warm stretching class and then straight into the funny little Kaarok to pick up my lovely chums Mirrisella Sandanista ( and Annatella Dankerieg-Reasons ( and we headed straight over to Shepherd’s Bush to get some special festival medicines from “Doctor” Dave on the council estate and then escaped SheBu and headed out of town for a weekend of japes at Honeyfarm! While looking for something detachable with a flat surface Mirri discovered a little sheet of paper in the door storage thing on her side which told us all about this splendid car. ADR actually took the sheet and read out some of the information in a funny working class voice which we all thought was absolutely hilar but also quite useful as I discovered that we had all mod cons including electric windows, electrically adjustable mirrors, alloy wheels and power steering! I later discovered that the Karoc also has one of those Bluephone systems that connects magically to your mobi, but only after I’d already pulled in to make an emergency call to nanny Svetlava (sp?) to tell her I was away for the weekend and could she please cancel whatever grumpy Polish plans she had in order to look after the twins. We don’t want another visit from that bossy child protection lady!

For me, the most amazing discovery from the little in-car fact sheet was that the Kraoc was also a Skoda! I didn’t realise they were still a thing because I remember when they were the subject of jokes, rather like the Larder or the Robin Reliant. There’s certainly no joke with this new Karroc Skoda which has a two litres engine and seven speeds of manually Dsg automatic gearbox, and is surely at least as good as a Ford or a Metro or one of those other cars people buy if they’re trying their best. Personally, I found the new Skoda to be a zippy little beast with absolutely super road handling. Full marks to Karork! I also noticed that the interior boot would have had plenty of room for festival tents and suchlike, if you were someone who wasn’t staying in the glamping tepee zone. I should also add that the brave little Skod is four-times-four drive, which was a bonus on the muddy track to the VIP backstage parking area as we had no issues whatsoever, unlike a chap alongside in an old BMW Series 5!

Like the Skodock itself, the fest was a total scream too with loads of great bands including those guys I think I had a CD of and that one that’s on the radio sometimes. Charlie (a.k.a “El Husbo”) would have been wel jel that I got to see those guys he likes who are from Liverpool or Manchester or somewhere like that, though of course he was “otherwise engaged” this weekend because his bloody PA is suddenly having a baby apparently and he wanted to be there at the birth for some reason. They’re never bloody apart those two! Work, work, work! Not that this stopped yours truly from having an absolutely topper time dancing away. There was even an old rave tent which was great because the pills were way stronger than expected and the next thing you know the festival was over, or at least I assume it was because I was waking up in my own bed and I had no idea of how I got back to Holland Park except that the lovely little Sko wasn’t outside and actually I’ve no idea where it’s got to but I’m sure the Karaok people will track it down using their technology and whathaveyou because unfortunately I haven’t the time as I’m off on a yogic sitting retreat to recover from the bloody festival and also because mummy has told me to “bloody dry out” again!

To conclude, I thought the Karrick Skoda was sweet and I would certainly buy one if I had to, though hopefully it won’t come to that although I haven’t seen Charlie for about four bloody weeks now and he won’t take my calls unless I can speak to him without crying which I can’t!