You may have heard that I am taking legal action against Lotus and that I am demanding from them $6.7 million. This is correct. They are the enemies of premium lifestyle aspirational lifestyle excellence and I must smite them with my mighty optimum heritage lifestyle sporting lifestyle aspirational sword of truth. That is why I have assembled a crack legal team here at my new headquarters, Room 231 at the Norwich Airport Premier Inn.
Today I want to outline to you, my loyal followers, what I intend to do with the money that I will extract from Lotus. I will happily explain my intentions to you now, but please remember to keep staring at my slowly rotating bow tie…
As you may remember, when I decided to be sacked by Lotus there was some disagreement over The Plan. I said that The Plan was strong. The weak Lotus fools said The Plan was ‘ridiculous and we don’t know how you’ve managed to keep the media wanking over it without questioning its transparent impossibility for so long you deranged fantasist’. That was the moment when I decided to be told to leave.
The truth is, I was right and they were wrong. You can tell this because I have nicer hair. The Plan is still strong and for the first time I can reveal that I will be using the money I get from Lotus to put The Plan into action for myself. Yes, my believers, you are witnessing the first steps of the brand new company, Lotus-Bahaha Cars (Dany Bahaha Is Great) Ltd.
Already I have assembled a crack team here at my new headquarters and we are hard at work on six brand new designs which I intend to announce all at once just as soon as Mickey Rourke and Brian May return my calls.
I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, ‘Dany, you are so great that you could easily design and develop six brand new models on your own but wouldn’t it be easier on you and your excellent hair if you had some help?’ You are correct. The good news is, I do have help here at LBC(DBIG)L HQ. Working with me here in Room 231 I have my new Director Of Styling, Tefal Mini-Kettle, and my new Director of Engineering, McVities Complimentary-Biscuits. Together we are laying the foundations for The Plan to become a reality and as soon as the money from those infidels at Lotus arrives I will be able to issue some vague assurances about where it will be spent without giving enough detail for you to be able to work out that it doesn’t add up.
Until then, refer all legal matters to my council Mr Corby Trouser-Press at the usual HQ address and please, keep drinking the Kool Aid.
Lord Dany Bahahaha