That Rosberg punishment in full

by Sniff Petrol on Friday, August 29th, 2014

Nico Rosberg, yesterday

Nico Rosberg, yesterday

Mercedes says it has ‘disciplined’ Nico Rosberg for colliding with Lewis Hamilton during last weekend’s Belgian Grand Prix. Exclusive to Sniff Petrol, here are the details of his punishment.

- Must spend next calendar month referring to Lewis Hamilton as ‘Tron du Awesome’.

- Must swap Mercedes SL63 AMG for A180 diesel and is ‘forbidden’ from using the air-con even if he is ‘really sweaty’.

- Must agree to have official FIA entry name for Italian GP changed to ‘Nipple Cockberg’.

- Must undertake unpleasant new viral video task entitled ‘The Mice Bucket Challenge’.

- Must agree to eat one item made by each sponsor, even if they sell something that will taste awful such as Petronas or Monster.

- Must change ring tone to sound of Niki Lauda repeatedly shouting ‘BALLBAG’ through a trombone.

- Must give up ticket for forthcoming team away-day to World Of Owl.

- Must not to drive into team mate like a stupid twat.

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  • Lotterer still going in Belgium

    by Sniff Petrol on August 29th, 2014

    Andre Lotterer, yesterday

    There was surprise in Belgium today following news that Andre Lotterer has finally got his Caterham going again and is now furiously lapping the Spa track, ignoring pleas from his team to stop. ‘We’ve radioed to tell him the race finished ages ago but he just keeps shouting “It’s a marathon, not a sprint”,’ revealed a Caterham insider. ‘Also, he keeps asking… more…

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  • Lotus announces new competition

    by Sniff Petrol on August 28th, 2014

    The Evora, yesterday

    Lotus has announced details of an exciting new competition called Spot The Evora which invites people to get in touch if they see The Evora out on the streets of Britain. ‘The Evora left the factory about five years ago,’ said a Lotus spokerman. ‘And we sometimes see excited reports on the internet when someone has spotted it out and about.… more…

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Crazy Dave

  • Crazy D on the 2014 Belgian GP

    by Crazy Dave Coulthard on August 27th, 2014


    Och aye tha noo muthafuckas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha on the Bi-Biddle Cizzle. So las’ weekend we slide on over Spa side fo’ tha Belgizzle Gee Pee an’ there be some mad shizzle goin’ down after tha summer chill out. Ma brother K-Bash be left standin’ when tha music stop cuz who this be takin’ he’s seat but ma endurohomie… more…

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Troy Queef

  • As slick as a sweaty snail

    by Troy Queef on June 11th, 2014


    The hefty hands continue their temporal twist around the fecund face of my Breitling, alighting with impudent earnestness upon a position that reminds me with perfectly vertical smirk that it is exactly 6am. Yet, to be stirred from slumbers at such an heinous hour is no hardship when there is hardcore helming to happen. So it is that while sparrows… more…

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Carcoat Damphands

  • Nine grapes and an eagle

    by Carcoat on April 17th, 2014


    Sniff Petrol’s tame used car expert returns with more tales from the trade. Although we still don’t know which trade.  Grundle my bundies, the Small has turned Joe and that makes for loose grunting on the slab. Time to open them snatchbrackets and pump up the Lucardis. Taking a Tom round the Janets of Belming last Wogan, spotted a crispy… more…

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