Edd China reveals real reason for Wheeler Dealers departure

by Sniff Petrol on Wednesday, March 22nd, 2017

Wheeler Dealers, yesterday

Edd China is to leave the hit TV programme Wheeler Dealers after admitting that he can’t understand a single word Mike Brewer says.

‘For 14 years Edd hasn’t followed anything that’s come out of Mike’s mouth,’ said a source close to the 7’8” gloves wearer. ‘He’s basically spent the last 13 series’ just smiling and nodding, and then fitting some new wheels and hoping that’s okay.’

‘Edd tried his best to understand what Mike was on about, but he was never sure if it was some kind of East London patois or if he’d had a stroke,’ another friend of the 9’10” standing-underneath-cars fan revealed. ‘In most cases he’d just say “absolutely” and then de-cloud the headlights and hope that was alright.’

‘Edd is looking forward to moving on to new projects involving his three passions,’ revealed a producer who worked with the 11’4” too-many-consonants enthusiast. ‘Which is to say, cars, engineering, and being able to have conversations in which he’s not just saying “uh-huh, uh-huh” and hoping the other person goes away soon.’

China has publically wished his replacement, Ant Anstead, the best of luck whilst privately he has emailed him details of a Linguaphone course for Cock-er-nee along with a note reading, ‘This probably won’t work so just give a thumbs up and bury your head in the engine bay until he’s gone’.

Wheeler Dealers will continue on the Velocity Channel who bought the format for an unusually low price, re-built the cylinder heads, had it re-sprayed and sold it for a profit margin that didn’t really seem to account for all the work put into it.

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