2013 Monaco GP preview

by Sniff Petrol on Friday, May 24th, 2013

MonacoTrackMap13Monte Carlo comes from the Latin for ‘no overtaking’.

Monaco is more wealthy than the rest of Europe put together. As a result, it is the world’s heaviest place.

If a bomb went off in Monaco harbour during the Grand Prix, it is estimated that we would lose 86 percent of the world’s supply of men who look like George Hamilton.

The price of a gin & tonic in Monaco is actually as a reference point on the international currency market. At the time of writing, 1 MG&T = 457 USD.

Monaco has long been the home of choice for any F1 driver who would rather live in what looks like a well-kept block of council flats than pay any tax.

One of the most infamous ex-F1 drivers to live in the area is Taki Inoue who is regularly spotted attempting to cross Casino Square only to get hit by a passing car causing him to roll over its bonnet in an amusing way.

Since many current F1 drivers live in Monaco they probably know some backstreet shortcuts to improve their times. One of the drivers who lives in the principality is Lewis Hamilton who has an apartment in Le Maison de Beaucoup D’Argent building on the harbour or, as he insists on calling it, ‘The projects of the southside, yea. Wicked’.

Uniquely in the F1 calendar, trophy giving at the Monaco race takes place on a set of steps. This is because in 1874 the short-lived Prince Malheureusement III declared podiums illegal.At the same time, he outlawed rotating flags but sadly failed to draw up a law forbidding slightly awkward interviews with three Formula 1 drivers.

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News

  • Disaster for new Aston concept

    by Sniff Petrol on May 20th, 2013

    AstonCC100Catfish

    There was disaster for Aston Martin today as the company’s brand new CC100 concept was caught, gutted and eaten by a toothless, dungaree-wearing American inbred. The bearded, swamp-dwelling simpleton, identified only as ‘Cletus’, spoke exclusively to Sniff Petrol about how he came to catch the priceless one-off just minutes after it was revealed; ‘First I saw him, I couldn’t believe… more…

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  • Honda deal sends McLaren retro

    by Sniff Petrol on May 16th, 2013

    A McLaren Honda, yesterday

    Earlier today McLaren announced an engine supply deal with Honda, starting in two season’s time. Now spies within the Woking team say the rekindled partnership is just the tip of a very retro iceberg which will see the number one driver slot for 2015 occupied by French racing legend Alain Prost. ‘We’re going really old school with this,’ said a… more…

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News

  • Rosberg perma-pole conspiracy

    by Sniff Petrol on May 14th, 2013

    Nico Rosberg, yesterday

    Sniff Petrol can exclusively reveal that Nico Rosberg is to be given pole position at every Grand Prix for the rest of the season in a sensational F1 conspiracy designed to promote greater on-track action. ‘After Nico managed actual pole in Bahrain and Spain we couldn’t help noticing that it gave quite an interesting start to the race,’ said our… more…

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Crazy Dave Coulthard

  • Crazy Dave reports from Spain 2013

    by Crazy Dave on May 16th, 2013

    Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha wit’ ma shortie Suzi P and ma even shortier E-Jo. So las’ weekend we slide over Iberia side fo’ tha Spanish Gee-diddy-Pee. Yea. Traditionalizzle quite tediousizzle. So, come tha three time fly to survive, who this be lockin’ it on tha top slots but ma buddy NiRo and ma dog hair… more…

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Troy Queef

  • Punches like Ali on amphetamines

    by Troy Queef on January 24th, 2013

    troyqueef

    Winter’s white weft still lingers like a decaying duvet across the flat firmament of the Midlands’ most Eastern fringes, kettling Kettering with a bony breeze and the fading flakes of a foot-tall fall. Yet there is no time to reflect on sundry snowings for now is the time to splice the ice with some serious pedalling. My steed for today’s… more…

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Carcoat Damphands

  • Pocket of wasps

    by Carcoat on January 28th, 2013

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    Grisket my briskets, it’s Georged outside and grunting has been slightly on the average backpipe. Even so, flicking has been gristly down the hammer and Christophers are feeling greasy which means there’s plenty of scope for a candle sandwich. One of my six twats up at Gresty was on the grammo last Wogan, desperate for a Tristar Stammer for a… more…

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The Schumachers

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