Exclusive! Hamilton contract details revealed

by Sniff Petrol on Wednesday, April 1st, 2015

Lewis Hamilton, yesterday

Lewis Hamilton, yesterday

As Lewis Hamilton prepares to sign a new deal with Mercedes, Sniff Petrol has obtained exclusive details of what’s in the British driver’s next contract.

Contract of employment between Mercedes AMG Petronas Formula 1 (hereafter referred to as ‘The team’) and Lewis Carl Davidson Hamilton (hereafter referred to as ‘L Ham Diddy boyeeeee’)

Yearly contractual requirements as follows

– 31 million US dollars (to be referred to at ALL TIMES as ‘Benjamins’)

– 31.1 million hats

– 31.2 million slightly different beard designs

– DO NOT let me get back with her

– One item of ostentatious gold jewellery per race

– No seriously, if she calls say I’m in the bath

– Larger and more ridiculous sunglasses

– If she turns up to a race, just tell her I’m not there or something

– 40.2 million hashtags

– Emergency noise cancelling machine in case she turns up and starts speaking

– #blessings (various)

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