The Ferrari F1 team has announced that it is ‘evaluating’ whether to launch an official protest against Christmas.
‘Last December we became aware that a man travelled the world giving gifts to children whilst wearing a suit that made unauthorised use of the signature red and white Ferrari colours,’ said Maranello spokesman Paul Oozer. ‘Since then we have been carefully examining footage of this ‘Christmas’ event and, although we did not mention it at the time, we now believe we have a case against the gentleman who infringed our copyright, Mr Claus, which we can string out in an over-dramatic and pathetically childish way.’
If the Italian team decides to go ahead with its action against Father Christmas, it could have dire consequences for the jocular Laplander’s usual present distribution routine and indeed for Christmas itself. However, Ferrari believe they have a solution to this potential seasonal crisis; ‘As the rightful users of the red and white colour scheme, we would take over the whole Christmas event,’ said a spokesman. ‘Fernando Alonso has the pace to deliver presents all over the world in just one night and Felipe Massa looks like an elf. Plus, the 2012 car was basically a bit of a turkey.’
As for the actual presents to be delivered to youngsters across the globe, Ferrari claim they would have a solution to that too. ‘What child would not want to receive a Ferrari-branded golfing glove or Ferrari-branded ice scraper?’ their spokesman asked. ‘Although of course in return the child would owe us 390 and 735 Euros respectively.’
Whilst Ferrari continue to deliberate on their next move, others are less than impressed with their potential plan to ruin Christmas. ‘For fuck’s sake, can’t they just drop it and move on,’ said the rest of the world, yesterday.