There was disappointment for Jaguar fans this morning as the company announced that it is cancelling its effort to enter the prestigious but highly competitive Christmas market.
‘We think we could have made Christmas work,’ said Jag boss Adrian Hallmark. ‘But it is technically very complex, what with the need to get illustrations of trees and snowmen and such like. In a time of global austerity, it is not the right time for us to enter the Christmas sector, especially since our research shows that Christmas does not do well in key markets such as India and the Middle East.’
Jaguar will instead concentrate on other areas such as Valentine’s Day and Father’s Day which require a less demanding colour palette and range of illustrations. ‘In the coming years you will see Jaguar meeting consumer demand in these areas,’ Mr Hallmark said. ‘And we will do so with a whole range of new and exciting cards.’
‘Wait, what?’ Hallmark added, sounding confused. ‘Cars? We make cars? Oh shit. I’ve spent the last two years developing a strategy for cards. Sorry, force of habit.’