Kia is set to wow this week’s Geneva Show with a new small car concept which, to the surprise of many in Britain, will be called the Provo. However, Sniff Petrol can exclusively reveal that this is just the start of a re-branding for the Korean company, starting with a subtle change in name to The K.I.A.
In line with their unusual re-branding, The K.I.A. will begin to update its dealerships, replacing the existing red signs and plate glass with a massive mural depicting two men in balaclavas holding machine guns. ‘The objectives of our organisation are clear,’ said a K.I.A. spokesman, though broadcast regulations meant his words were delivered by an actor. ‘We will not cease until we win the sales war against Volkswagen or, as we call it, “the troubles”’.
The K.I.A. spokesman later called back using an agreed codeword to confirm that, as part of the radical image change, the company will introduce a range of super efficient models which use almost no fuel whatsoever under the sub-brand ‘Hunger Strike’.
However, there may be problems ahead for K.I.A. with news that an extreme faction has broken away from the main company and set itself up as ‘The Real K.I.A.’ promising to take a harder line on issues such as length of warranty and attractive finance packages.